How to Live in Fear

Are you tired of being courageous and fed up with bravery? Seeking an alternative to risk-taking?

Not to worry. Choosing to live in fear is both easy and safe. Simply follow a few simple guidelines, and you’ll live comfortably ever after.

Keep calm and carry on.

Beware of danger, true love, and real life.

Play it safe. Never charge down a mountain. Don’t run, don’t leap, don’t go too fast. Be wary of opportunities and new perspectives. Above all: stay the course.

If you must make a change, first ensure that everything is in order.

Consider this quote and do the opposite –>

“No, no! The adventures first. Explanations take such a dreadful time.” ―Lewis Carroll

Pursue explanations and put off adventures. If you don’t have all the answers before undertaking the adventure, do not pack that suitcase.

Refuse to see failure as a learning experience.

Think of all the reasons why something might fail, and console yourself by not allowing yourself to attempt something risky in the first place.

When encountering successful people, assign the source of their success to some unique advantage that does not apply to you. Believe that their success cannot be replicated in your own life.

Keep dreams small.

Choose complacency. Settle. Do not dream of lofty achievements or worldly endeavors. Dream instead of the long weekend, the summer break, or the retirement at the end of a life of paper-pushing.

Only set goals you know you can achieve. Do nothing that scares you. Think small.

Spend your time with people who think, behave, and look like you.

A life lived in fear needs to be carefully protected and walled off from the rest of the world. Do not get to know people who are different from you. Reject the possibility that you could learn from them—for they are too young, too old, or just plain wrong.

Embrace the values of cynicism and scarcity.

Believe that there are only winners and losers. Choose to distrust. Never go out on a limb. Do not give money, time, or trust to people you don’t know.

Do not acknowledge that you’re as afraid as the rest of us.

Pretend that fear simply doesn’t exist. Reframe your thinking and refuse to attempt anything you’re afraid of, thus ensuring a safe, flatlined life.

“The absence of fear is not courage; the absence of fear is mental illness.” -Po Bronson

Do not change your mind through age or experience.

Remain set in your ways, resolute in your beliefs. When you receive new information, never allow it to shift your perspective.

Attempt to make others afraid.

Use the tools of intimidation, judgment, or peer pressure. Judge other people and refuse to acknowledge that you might be wrong.

Far better to sit on the sidelines and pick apart the attempts of others. Take joy in their failures as proof that they shouldn’t have tried, and as justification for your own lack of initiative.


These guidelines should provide a strong head start on the road to living in fear. If you follow them closely, a clear, well-trodden path awaits you. For best results, do not deviate from the path.


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